sometimes you've got it

sometimes you don't... 

complacency

Pardon me while I get out my soapbox and preach to myself for a minute….

When we’re on the mountain top it is easy to turn to God.  We see an answer to prayer, we experience a miracle, we can feel His love around us so we praise Him.  We sing songs, we tell others about it, we’re giddy and bubbly.

When we’re in the pit of despair it is easy to turn to God.  We’ve got nowhere else to go, we’re at the end of ourselves, so we reach out to Him.  Cry out for healing, for answers, for comfort.  We rely on Him to get us through because that is what He does. 

But what about the day to day?  When things aren’t good and things aren’t bad, things are just things and we’re slogging through this daily journey called life.  That’s when we get complacent.  We let busyness choke out our quiet time.  We get so caught up in prioritizing work, family, ancillary activities that God gets overlooked.  We don’t really need Him.  For the moment, our needs are met.  We know He will always be there and that He will provide.  We know He will never leave us or forsake us so He gets put on a back burner for when there’s time.  But then there’s never enough time.  I want my quiet time in the morning before work, but have to get up at 5:00 to get in a workout (or at 3:30 to catch a flight) and I’m not willing to give up my sleep to get up earlier to read my Bible cause I’m tired enough as it is.  So I say I’ll do it when I get home from work and the distractions from the day are gone.  But then I end up working later than I thought and after I’ve completed my nightly tasks I’m tired and unfocused and not in the right mindset to study the Bible so it is put off until tomorrow.  But then tomorrow comes and goes and it is the same story over again.  It saddens me that I can so easily get distracted and forget God. 

Being complacent and indifferent not only doesn’t honor God, it angers Him. 

Revelation 3:14-22          

“And to the angel of the church in Laodicea write: ‘The words of the Amen, the faithful and true witness, the beginning of God's creation. “‘I know your works: you are neither cold nor hot. Would that you were either cold or hot! So, because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth. For you say, I am rich, I have prospered, and I need nothing, not realizing that you are wretched, pitiable, poor, blind, and naked. I counsel you to buy from me gold refined by fire, so that you may be rich, and white garments so that you may clothe yourself and the shame of your nakedness may not be seen, and salve to anoint your eyes, so that you may see. ...

Apart from the gardener I cannot bear fruit.  My ministry will suffer, my testimony will suffer, I will suffer.  I cannot live life to the fullest.  Whether it is readily apparent to others or not my life is incomplete apart from Him.  And I am not good for anything, but instead am wasted and useless.

John 15:5

"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing."

Matthew 5:13     

“You are the salt of the earth, but if salt has lost its taste, how shall its saltiness be restored? It is no longer good for anything except to be thrown out and trampled under people's feet.

In order for a relationship to grow and mature, quality time spent together is a must.  If I want to be like Jesus then I must spend time with Jesus.  I must take the time to study the Bible and get to know him.  Studying the Bible is different from reading the Bible.  Words alone are just words.  We can choose to read them for what they are, merely literature and not allow them to change our lives.  That won’t draw us into a closer communion with God.  We must take the words, think on them, internalize them and let them transform us.  It takes time and effort.  Time in a quiet stillness meditating and listening, not allowing the sounds of the world to encroach and drown out the whispered uttering of the Holy Spirit.    

Relationships cannot exist without communication.  I email my boss, text my friends, call my family.  But, I don’t take time to sit down and have an uninterrupted conversation with the one whose relationship should be the most important top priority of my life.  Prayer should be more than “thank you Lord for this food” (and how often I neglect even the simplicity of mealtime thankfulness for His abundant provision but instead take it all for granted).  It is an open dialogue.  A two way give and take (I tend to take and take).  It should not be relegated to only asking for this or asking for that.  It should include worship and honesty and seeking his ways. 

But, the good news is, when I finally wake up from my slumber God will still be there.  Right where He was and where He will always be. Waiting patiently for me to come back.  Again.  For the 101th time.  To make time for Him, worship Him, love Him.  And when I do I will reap the benefits of a life spent in Him.  A fullness unimaginable.  

So, praise God in the good times, cry out to God in the hard times, but don’t forget about God in your daily life.

Things that I’ve found help with daily devotional time:

1.       Accountability – while we all have to have our own personal relationships with Christ, when it comes to reading the Bible, whether it is a structured  study or a good friend, knowing someone is relying on you can be a good motivator.  Both is even better.   Especially when they allow for honest and open dialogue and discussion.  As iron sharpens iron…

2.       Journaling – makes you really think about what you’re saying and put thoughts behind your words.  I can look back at the times where my journal is full of feelings, prayers, and meditations and also see the times where it is blank or only a regurgitation of the scriptures cause I was in a hurry and didn’t want to take the time to put in the proper effort. 

am i doing my part?

Seek me and you will find me.
Ask and you will receive.

I say I want to get married.  To have a husband and a family.
But am I praying for that situation everyday?  Do I diligently ask God to right now be working in that man's life to mold him and make him into a strong christian leader for our family?  Am I daily reading my Bible, growing my faith, and learning how to become a godly wife and mother?

It's okay to ask God for things.  But, at the same time, we have to do our part.  Action is required.

p.s. in regards to the whole marriage situation I know God's timing is perfect and He's got someone out there for me so either he's not ready or I'm not ready.  More than likely it's the latter.  So, for now, I'm okay with my singleness.


A while back I was going to do a couple of posts,  one on happiness and one on obedience, but never got around to it.  Instead, I'll just post the following four quotes that I was going to use as the basis for my commentary.  If you really want my opinions (cause you know I got them) then let's have some coffee and discuss.

I may not understand what Jesus Christ says, but it is dangerous to say that therefore He was mistaken in what He said.  It is never right to think that my obedience to a word of God will bring dishonor to Jesus.  The only thing that will bring dishonor is not obeying Him.  To put my view of His honour in place of what He is plainly impelling me to do is never right, although it may arise from a real desire to prevent Him being put to open shame.  I know when the proposition comes from God because of its quiet persistence: When I have to weigh the pros and cons, and doubt and debate come in, I am bringing in an element that is not of God, and I come to the conclusion that the suggestions was not a right one.   Many of us are loyal to our notions of Jesus Christ, but how many of us are loyal to Him?  Loyalty to Jesus means I have to step out where I do not see anything (cf. Matt. 14:29); loyalty to my notions means that I clear the ground first by my intelligence.  Faith is not intelligent understanding, faith is deliberate commitment to a Person where I see no way.

Are you debating whether to take a step in faith in Jesus or to wait until you can see how to do the thing yourself?  Obey Him with glad reckless joy.  When He says something and you begin to debate, it is because you have a conception of His honour which is not His honour.  Are you loyal to Jesus or loyal to your notion of Him?  Are you loyal to what He says, or are you trying to compromise with conceptions which never came from Him?  “Whatsoever He saith unto you, do it.” – My Utmost for His Highest, March 28^th

Being happy doesn't mean everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections.

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity.... It turns problems into gifts, failures into success, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow.  – Melodie Beattie

joy

All I have in You is more than enough.  Simple words.  But do I really accept them as truth?  Is God enough?  I mean deep down in the core of my being do I truly TRULY believe that God is enough for me.  And not even enough.  More than enough.  More than all I could want and all I could need.  If I really truly believed that He was enough, that He is satisfactory, then I would quit trying so hard.  Trying to do it all myself.  Trying to please other people.  If I really believed that He is more than enough for me then He would be the source of my joy.

The Bible says the joy of the Lord is my strength.  Very clearly, if we don’t have joy we don’t have strength.  Where am I getting my joy?  If my joy is circumstantial then it isn’t going to last.  It isn’t until I get my joy from the Lord,  the author and creator that I can experience the wellspring of life.  And yet time and time again I put my joy in the circumstances of life and time and time again I end up disappointed and tired and weary. 

There is a difference between joy and happiness.  We can’t always be happy but we can always choose to be joyful.  It isn’t always easy.  Life has pains and problems.  Sometimes the world seems perfect and right and we’re cruising right along, but then something comes and trips us up.  We lose our focus.  We fall on our faces and scrape our knees.  Our happiness is gone.  But we can still choose to be joyful.  It’s not easy and it takes effort but it is a choice.  And it can only come from the Lord.

All too often we try to get our joy from the world around us.  We think that if we are successful at life (what does that even mean, anyway?  seriously, how do you measure success?  how come we constantly compare ourselves to others and try to measure up to them when their talent isn't the same as our talent and when their purpose isn't the same as our purpose?), that if we have it all together then we will be happy and joyful.

We try and we try and we try.  But that never works.  Why?  Because trying to be perfect is exhausting.  Trying to keep up appearances and make people believe we have it all together is exhausting.  Let's face it;  it is going to happen eventually.  You're going to have a bad hair day or your jeans aren't going to want to button (I'm wearing a ponytail and fat pants today).  You're going to miss a deadline or need to ask for help.  Somebody will get disappointed.  Somebody will get hurt.  By our words, by our actions.  Intentionally or unintentionally.  We are going to mess up.

When it comes down to it, while we may all be a little different, we are really all the same.  Deep down, everybody needs to be needed.  Everybody wants to be wanted.  We want to know we matter and feel like we make a difference.  We want to be appreciated and accepted.  We try so hard to please others and to make them notice us.  We are afraid of disappointing them and we let that fear sap our energy and our joy.  We want to know that people are going to love us even when we fail.  Even when we can’t do it all.  Even when we disappoint them.  It is scary to reveal our true selves.  We're not perfect.  We're sinful (public sin or private sin, it's all sin and it's all black). We're afraid (and by afraid i mean terrified) that if we are honest and open with others and let them see us as we really are (weak, tired, needy, imperfect) than they won't accept us or won't love us.  We've been let down and left behind so many times before that we won't risk the same outcome.  

“It’s a fear that keeps me wide awake

In the middle of the night

When the expectations are too great

And the bar gets raised too high

So I do the best with what I’ve got

And hope that no one knows

That I strain to see how high I can

Try to stand on these toes

Unitl I’m measured

But you know better”

God knows better.  We can't hide from Him.  He knows all of our thoughts, our fears, our failures, our pains, our struggles, our hopes, our dreams.  Even the lost ones and the ones we’ve let go or tried to bury deep down inside and ignore (p.s. they're still there - no matter how much exercise or peanut butter you bury them under, they're still there until you deal with them).

What would happen if we really opened up to one another and were honest with one another?  Yes, we may get hurt (probably more often than not).  But, we may also find a deeper bond, one built on grace and forgiveness.  One that will point us back to Jesus, giving us a renewed sense of joy and a renewed source of strength.

And, how come it is easier for us to accept Christ’s love than our own?  We can say with all honesty “Jesus loves me this I know” and truly mean it.  But we have a lot harder time saying “I love me.”  We know that Christ loves us, that He has forgiven us, and that He accepts us.  We can accept grace from God but not from ourselves.  We don't see ourselves as Christ sees us.  We look at the extra pudge around our waist (and compared to the models on t.v. that we're striving to look like, it's a whole lot of pudge) and the sin in our lives (and compared with the seemingly perfect person in our Bible study it is a whole lot of sin) and we become so disheartened that we can’t accept ourselves.  We haven’t forgiven ourselves or loved ourselves.  We get bogged down by guilt or feelings of unworth (btw, both come from Satan, both are sinful, and both will steal all your joy).  Self-esteem is called SELF- esteem for a reason.  It must come from yourself.  We all have to come to terms with ourselves,  with our flaws and imperfections and be okay with them (fat pants and all).  Give yourself a break, accept yourself for who you are and move on.  Don't be afraid of growing slowly, be afraid of standing still.  

God isn't done with me.  He may demand perfection and I may have failed miserably but that is why He sent Christ to die for me.  My job now is to fight the fight.  To make it my mission to be transformed into the likeness of Christ.  Day by day.  Hour by hour.  Minute by minute. 

God doesn’t make mistakes.  You are not a mistake.  I am not a mistake.  I may be sinful and messed up but not a mistake.  God made me and He loves me and He can (and will) take something broken and ugly and turn it into something beautiful.  There is no do over button.  But, I am redeemed.  And in that fact alone I should find hope and joy and strength.  

THE JOY OF THE LORD IS MY STRENGTH

And what if I took this strength and this joy and used it to work for the Lord?  What if I took whatever I truly love to do (we've all got some sort of passion) and combine it with the talents he gave me (we've all got some sort of talent) and used those things to do something for him?  To step outside of my selfish little world where it all revolves around me and give back.  Offer it up to God and see what he does with it.  The problem with this whole theory is that first I have to be honest with myself, which is almost as hard as being honest with others.  I have to look at my true passions.  Ignore the hurts that come from abandoned hopes and dreams and identify what truly makes me happy and brings me a sense of fulfillment.  Then I have to work at it.  If I decided that it is really something I long to do then I have to be willing to put in the effort to make the sacrifices that will be required to get there instead of making excuses and doing nothing.  

What would you do if you had unlimited resources and knew you could not fail?  

Psalm 86: A prayer of David.

¹ Hear me, LORD, and answer me,
for I am poor and needy.
² Guard my life, for I am faithful to you;
save your servant who trusts in you.
You are my God; ³ have mercy on me, Lord,
for I call to you all day long.
⁴ Bring joy to your servant, Lord,
for I put my trust in you.

⁵ You, Lord, are forgiving and good,
abounding in love to all who call to you.
⁶ Hear my prayer, LORD;
listen to my cry for mercy.
⁷ When I am in distress, I call to you,
because you answer me.

⁸ Among the gods there is none like you, Lord;
no deeds can compare with yours.
⁹ All the nations you have made
will come and worship before you, Lord;
they will bring glory to your name.
¹⁰ For you are great and do marvelous deeds;
you alone are God.

¹¹ Teach me your way, LORD,
that I may rely on your faithfulness;
give me an undivided heart,
that I may fear your name.
¹² I will praise you, Lord my God, with all my heart;
I will glorify your name forever.
¹³ For great is your love toward me;
you have delivered me from the depths,
from the realm of the dead.

¹⁴ Arrogant foes are attacking me, O God;
ruthless people are trying to kill me—
they have no regard for you.
¹⁵ But you, Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God,
slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.
¹⁶ Turn to me and have mercy on me;
show your strength in behalf of your servant;
save me, because I serve you
just as my mother did.
¹⁷ Give me a sign of your goodness,
that my enemies may see it and be put to shame,
for you, LORD, have helped me and comforted me.

i haven't yet been released to run, but when i am, rest assured, this will be me:

side note: tomorrow marks 26 weeks til the boston marathon

and in case anybody's counting, i haven't run since june.

contentment in all situations

"A gold medal is a wonderful thing. But if you're not enough without one, you'll never be enough with one." -- Irv, Cool Runnings

i can't run. and, let's be honest, it SUCKS.

i put months of hard work into preparing for the marathon. and i saw results. and i liked what i saw. starting my mornings with a run got me in the right frame of mind to start the day. burning off the extra calories made it a little easier to manage my weight which has always been a struggle for me. and i like winning. i like lining up at the start and looking beside me and wondering who's faster.

and now one little pain has sidelined me for far longer than i would have liked. thoughts of "how quickly am i going to lose my cardiovascular fitness?" "how slow will i be when i come back?" "how far will i be able to run?" "how much weight am i going to gain if/when i don't workout?" have been a constant plague.

and then it hit me like a ton of bricks -- i'm obsessing over something that i shouldn't be. i have let an earthly hobby dominate my thoughts and consume my actions.

God let me get injured for a reason. Probably to teach me that I am more than a runner. I am a child of the King. I am the Chief of Sinners. I am Redeemed. As long as I let myself be described as earthly things I am not fulfilling my heavenly calling, which is ultimately to bring glory to God. I have to put Him first and all other actions second.

Where is my contentment in all situations? God doesn't care if I can run 26.2 miles or am confined to a wheelchair. He doesn't care whether my weight is 1xx (no, i will NOT publicly post my weight) or whether I'm ten pounds heavier. Yes, my body is a temple of the Holy Spirit and I need to use it to honor God, but when running (or thoughts about running) comes first and God comes second that is obviously not God honoring. He is much more concerned with my spiritual health and my spiritual growth than my physicality. I'm afraid I've been feeding my body carrots and my soul cheeseburgers.

A woman from my church once said "a true Christian should never struggle with self esteem." As women especially we tend to let society dictate our self esteem and our feelings of worth. Are we pretty enough or thin enough? It is so easy to get caught in the vanity trap when that is not at all what life should be about.

Proverbs 31:30 Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

1 Samuel 16:7 But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.”

1 Peter 3:4 But let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.

Philippians 4:4-13

⁴ Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! ⁵ Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. ⁶ Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

⁸ Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. ⁹ Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

¹⁰ I rejoiced greatly in the Lord that at last you renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you were concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. ¹¹ I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. ¹² I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. ¹³I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

so, in this time off i will learn to be content. i will learn to be enough without it. and if i'm back at square one when i can run again so be it. God will still be God and i will not be.

side note: isn't running such a petty thing to get upset over? there are so many bigger problems in the world i should be ashamed to even admit that something as trite as running fast is even a concern.

Psalm 73:21-28

²¹ When my heart was grieved
and my spirit embittered,
²² I was senseless and ignorant;
I was a brute beast before you.

²³ Yet I am always with you;
you hold me by my right hand.
²⁴ You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will take me into glory.
²⁵ Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
²⁶ My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.

²⁷ Those who are far from you will perish;
you destroy all who are unfaithful to you.
²⁸ But as for me, it is good to be near God.
I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge;
I will tell of all your deeds.

kale

kale is very popular right now as a superfood - it's touted as one of the most nutritious vegetables in the world.

i like experimenting with new foods so today i decided to give it a try (it caught my eye at BJ's when it was $1.99 for a large bag so if i didn't like it i wouldn't be out big money and it was already pre-chopped so i didn't really have to put in any effort).

Recipe 1: Smoothie -- blueberries, watermelon, kale

Recipe 2: Kale Chips -- tossed with olive oil and salt and baked for 20 minutes.

Conclusion: I definitely liked it and will be buying it again.

Next, i'm going to add it to a salad - but it may be a little too bitter to eat it raw by itself so i think whether or not i like it will depend on how well it blends with the other ingredients.