contentment in all situations

"A gold medal is a wonderful thing. But if you're not enough without one, you'll never be enough with one." -- Irv, Cool Runnings

i can't run. and, let's be honest, it SUCKS.

i put months of hard work into preparing for the marathon. and i saw results. and i liked what i saw. starting my mornings with a run got me in the right frame of mind to start the day. burning off the extra calories made it a little easier to manage my weight which has always been a struggle for me. and i like winning. i like lining up at the start and looking beside me and wondering who's faster.

and now one little pain has sidelined me for far longer than i would have liked. thoughts of "how quickly am i going to lose my cardiovascular fitness?" "how slow will i be when i come back?" "how far will i be able to run?" "how much weight am i going to gain if/when i don't workout?" have been a constant plague.

and then it hit me like a ton of bricks -- i'm obsessing over something that i shouldn't be. i have let an earthly hobby dominate my thoughts and consume my actions.

God let me get injured for a reason. Probably to teach me that I am more than a runner. I am a child of the King. I am the Chief of Sinners. I am Redeemed. As long as I let myself be described as earthly things I am not fulfilling my heavenly calling, which is ultimately to bring glory to God. I have to put Him first and all other actions second.

Where is my contentment in all situations? God doesn't care if I can run 26.2 miles or am confined to a wheelchair. He doesn't care whether my weight is 1xx (no, i will NOT publicly post my weight) or whether I'm ten pounds heavier. Yes, my body is a temple of the Holy Spirit and I need to use it to honor God, but when running (or thoughts about running) comes first and God comes second that is obviously not God honoring. He is much more concerned with my spiritual health and my spiritual growth than my physicality. I'm afraid I've been feeding my body carrots and my soul cheeseburgers.

A woman from my church once said "a true Christian should never struggle with self esteem." As women especially we tend to let society dictate our self esteem and our feelings of worth. Are we pretty enough or thin enough? It is so easy to get caught in the vanity trap when that is not at all what life should be about.

Proverbs 31:30 Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

1 Samuel 16:7 But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.”

1 Peter 3:4 But let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.

Philippians 4:4-13

⁴ Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! ⁵ Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. ⁶ Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

⁸ Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. ⁹ Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

¹⁰ I rejoiced greatly in the Lord that at last you renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you were concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. ¹¹ I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. ¹² I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. ¹³I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

so, in this time off i will learn to be content. i will learn to be enough without it. and if i'm back at square one when i can run again so be it. God will still be God and i will not be.

side note: isn't running such a petty thing to get upset over? there are so many bigger problems in the world i should be ashamed to even admit that something as trite as running fast is even a concern.

Psalm 73:21-28

²¹ When my heart was grieved
and my spirit embittered,
²² I was senseless and ignorant;
I was a brute beast before you.

²³ Yet I am always with you;
you hold me by my right hand.
²⁴ You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will take me into glory.
²⁵ Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
²⁶ My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.

²⁷ Those who are far from you will perish;
you destroy all who are unfaithful to you.
²⁸ But as for me, it is good to be near God.
I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge;
I will tell of all your deeds.