Striving for Perfection

“Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing” - Harriet Beryl Braiker

this quote was passed along to me when i was doing weight watchers.  i remember thinking "pah!  only losers would think that!" and "what's wrong with perfection?!?".  as much as i hate to admit it, i tend to be a perfectionist (and some times an elitist).  i often put far more pressure on myself that others do and push and push until i'm worn down and tired of it all (and afraid of disappointing everyone).  there are days (and sometimes weeks) when it seems i can't get anything right.  then someone like Jonathan  Parnell comes along and reminds me that it is okay to not be perfect.  it is okay to fail.  in fact, the gospel came for those of us who are constantly making a mess of life.  

God is not only a God of terrible holiness and wrath; he is also a God rich in mercy. And so he sent his Son into the world, not condemn the world, but that the world might be saved through him from God’s own wrath (John 3:17). He came not to be served but to give his life as a ransom for many (Mark 10:45). To lay down his life for the sheep (John 10:15). To bear our sins in his body on the tree (1 Peter 2:24). To provide us with a righteousness that comes, not from our law-keeping, but through faith (Philippians 3:9). And to reconcile us to God (2 Corinthians 5:18; 1 Peter 3:18). 

      -Taken from a May 13th post on Desiring God

Thank God for the cross that saved a sinner such as me. 

Boston Marathon

The marathon is nothing more than 20 miles of hope and 6 miles of reality


i am go thankful for the wonderful support of my family and friends.  i had people encouraging me and praying for me the entire time (proof of this is all over my facebook wall) and i feel so truly blessed.


if i could sum up the boston marathon in one word it would be: HOT!  haha.  i was raised in texas and i generally consider myself immune to heat.  but, this is the first time i've ever run 26.2 miles in an effective temperature of 95 degrees.  standing in the starting corrals there wasn't any shade and the temp was already above 80 before the gun went off and it only got warmer from there.  keep in mind i've been training during the winter so i was definitely not prepared.  

race day morning i woke up before my alarm, had an amazing breakfast of pumpkin pancakes with peanut butter and banana and sarah took me to catch the bus (thanks for waking up extra early, friend!).  on the way to the start the bus driver took the wrong exit - imagine 50 nervous runners knowing you're going the wrong way.  and then we didn't have money to pay the $1.25 toll so we had to sit and wait while the man wrote us a ticket.  hahaha.  but, eventually we made it to hopkington.

my big concern going into the race was my stomach staying calm and settled and my hip getting tight (the two things that have been bothering my lately).  praise the Lord, both were fine.  

the entire course was downhill, uphill, downhill so your quads were screaming by the time heartbreak hill came around - i live near the course so i've run heartbreak a few times before but it's usually five miles into my run and in the early morning when the there was no sun and the temps were a high of 40.  it was much much more heartbreaking on monday!! i do need to point out that i did NOT walk!  and, going down was worse than going up.  
the crowds were amazing.  people lined the entire course.  i had my mp3 on in case i got bored, but i didn't hear the music the entire way because the people were so loud.  they were cheering and handing out popsicles, water, ice, pretzels, red vines- pretty much anything they had on hand to keep us runners hydrated and salted.    i saw friends as i ran through wellesley (thanks pincheras and meltons!) and then again at mile 24 (thanks, raj!).  

not exactly sure when it happened (but i think right around mile 22) i hit my "i'm SO ready to be done!" and "never again!" point that all marathoners feel. but, i survived and i made it to the finish without walking.  and, just like having a baby, the pain is merely a vague memory at this point and my brain is already rationalizing it saying "it wasn't THAT bad. 

official results: 3:25:30 (4:18:27  was the average finishing time)

Net Time:	3:25:30 (slower than i was hoping for but understandable under the conditions)
Overall Place:	2447/21554 (that puts me in the top 11% of finishers - not counting the 4300 that deferred and the 1000 that started but DNF)
In Gender:	259/8966 (you can check my math but i'm fairly certain that is top 3%)
In Division:	223/4580 (ages 0-39)

the first place finishing time from this year was 9:38 slower than last year and those people are ELITE so i didn't do too bad 

Here are some action shots:

not sure why i'm smiling as i'm fairly certain i wasn't having fun.  haha. 

yes, i'm a dork! 

tongue out = working hard?? 

just in case the former pictures didn't accurately represent how miserable i was, here are a couple where you can tell i'm tired

focused face 

crossing the finish - so happy to be DONE!!!

of course this story wouldn't be complete without mention of the post race... 

as i said, it was hot and i was taking in water every mile.  i took in a little gatorade but not much because i didn't want to risk upsetting my stomach- in hindsight a bad decision.  at the finish they provided gatorade refuel (instead of regular gatorade or chocolate milk) which i wasn't a fan of so i drank three bottles of water instead - another bad decision.  

long story short, an hour or so post race (after i had met up with anna and liz, taken pictures, taken a shower, and started walking to the car) i started not feeling well.  i asked anna and liz if we could please go to a medical tent, which we did (side note: boston is incredibly organized and they have volunteers everywhere to answer questions and get you where you're going so we got an escort to the closest tent which happened to be right up the street).  then i started really not feeling well.  long story short, my sodium levels dropped.  ended up in the emergency department with hyponatremia and hypovolemia.  ironically, i ended up at Tufts which is where we were walking to in the first place since that is where anna had parked.  having worked there for two years (and supporting the E.D.) i saw people i knew which was kind of funny but mostly embarrassing.  when my levels didn't rise as fast as the doc had hoped (and i didn't pee for about 10 hours) they ended up keeping me overnight just as a precaution.  i'm sure my parents were moderately freaked out - i'm not a parent but i can imagine being 2000 miles away and not being able to see me or talk to me to know i was really okay.  allison was a wonderful friend and came and stayed with me as well as contacting my family to keep them somewhat updated (i am so blessed to have such caring friends).  a little rest and lots of salt later i felt like a brand new person and was discharged tuesday morning and i passed my follow up neurological exam on wednesday so i'm good to go.  

i do need to give a shout out to road id.  my daddy made me get one a couple of years ago because i run by myself and sign up for the interactive profile where i can store all my information.  since i had taken a shower and changed clothes before getting sick i had no identifying information, not even my race bib with my name.  since i hadn't planned on going to the E.D. i wasn't carrying a wallet so no photo id, no insurance card, etc.  but, they were able to take my road id and look up all my information - photo id, insurance info, emergency contact, blood type, allergies, medications, health history, even my tufts medical center mrn and pcp.  so, while it is something i hoped to never have to use, it came in very very handy.  if you run or race or ride or do anything by yourself i highly recommend getting one.  it cost under $30 and the interactive profile is only $9/year.  

^{Ecclesiastes 4:9-12}

⁹ Two are better than one, 
   because they have a good return for their labor: 
¹⁰ If either of them falls down, 
   one can help the other up. 
But pity anyone who falls 
   and has no one to help them up. 
¹¹ Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. 
   But how can one keep warm alone? 
¹² Though one may be overpowered, 
   two can defend themselves. 
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

kick in the pants

this morning's devotion courtesy of Billy Graham:

The Divine Flame:

"You shall receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you; and you shall be my witnesses." - Acts 1:8


Simon Peter was so spiritually weak before Pentecost that, in spite of his bragging to the contrary, he swore and denied Christ.  He was cowed by the crowd, shamed by a little maid, and took his place with the enemies of Christ.
But see him after he has been baptized with fire - the fire of the Holy Spirit!  He stands boldly before the same rabble that had crucified Jesus, looks into their faces, and fearlessly proclaims the good news of salvation (see Acts 2:36).  Peter, the weak, was transformed into Peter, the rock.
So it was with the early disciples.  The Holy Spirit changed them from ordinary individuals into firebrands for God.  Their faith and zeal started a conflagration that spread throughout the Roman Empire.
Their secret?  Total submission to Jesus Christ and His will.  What keeps you from being used of God to touch your world for Christ?

Longing for God

My heart and my flesh cry out for the living God- PSALM 84:2

Have you ever been underwater for a period of time that is longer than you expected? You know, as the time ticks away, how desperate you become to reach the surface and breathe the air.  The greater the time you are under water, the more you long for a breath of air until that desire overwhelms you, and you rush to get to the surface as rapidly as possible.  You have no other thoughts but quenching your need for air.

                That is what it means to “long for God,” to feel unfulfilled without Him.  It means we know we desperately need Him, even more than we need air, and we yearn to be filled with His presence.  “My heart and my flesh cry out for the living God.”

                God wants us to be satisfied with nothing less than Himself.  And we are never more fulfilled than when we know Him.  Ask God to give you a new hunger for Him, so you may become filled with “the fullness of Christ” (Eph 4:13)

Billy Graham Hope for Each Day,  February 5th

SMILE

it will increase your face value :)

all about me

part of me can't believe i didn't ever blog about christmas - sort of a shame because i had about seven billion written in my head i just couldn't find the time or energy to sit down and actually write them (good news is that the extreme fatigue has disappeared).  so, instead i'm moving on and just giving a quick synopsis of life at the moment:

what i'm doing now: after being being grounded for most of december and january (due to holidays and then client issues), i'm going to start traveling again for almost all of february and march.  it was kind of nice to have a break for a while but i'm ready to hit the road again.  

i'm still loving my job.  i have a supportive manager (seriously, love her - night and day from my former boss), great co-workers (abbreviated side story: had a slight issue with someone senior to me who i work with a lot and was really worried about our relationship but God is amazing and things have done a total 180 and we get along great and work well together now-- the power of prayer and relinquishing a  situation to Him), a wonderful environment in which to work, and i really truly (on most days) enjoy what i'm doing.  i have a sense of autonomy because people trust me, i feel smart/useful because i'm always learning things and then teaching others.  my worst days at athena (usually when i'm tired/run down and making a mountain out of a mole hill) don't even begin to compare to the misery of my former employment.  Another bonus is that i've been able to go back to Texas to see my family on a regular basis (and even got to see Jon, Brooke, Braden a few times in Ohio) which makes the miles of separation more tolerable.  God is good and i am so thankful. 

What I'm eating now:

nothing too much has changed here...my goal with eating right now is to fuel myself so i can have quality runs/workouts (as opposed to losing weight) so i'm more concerned with quality of food.  i did realize that i was eating a whole lot of carbs and not a whole lot of protein so i've been trying to be more conscious of inserting higher protein foods so that i have a good balance.  if you were to go look in my fridge right now you'd find:

1. egg muffins -- super easy (if you're lazy like me and don't want to mess with chopping veggies, for a dozen: 4 eggs, 8 egg whites, 2 boxes frozen spinach, can of rotel, reduced fat mexican cheese) and have high protein but low calorie component to breakfast that you can make in advance and grab n go.  each one has around 50 calories so i take two of them and throw in a tortilla or eat along side oatmeal.  

i've also been eating hard boiled eggs as a snack since they have really good cholesterol

2. quinoa -- most people consider it a grain,but it is technically a seed and a relative to spinach.  not only is it high in protein, it is a complete protein (meaning it includes all nine amino acids). it doesn't really have a taste (which is why meg doesn't like it) so it is very versatile. i either throw it in the rice cooker with brown rice and add spices such as garlic, chili powder, red pepper flakes or in my crock pot with black beans, brown rice, and stewed mexican tomatoes (are you getting the point that these days i'm all about things that are quick, simple, and can be made ahead of time and stored?).  my friend, barbara, has been eating for breakfast with cinnamon, similar to oatmeal.

3. pomodoro sauce -  i'm a creature of habit and so i eat whole wheat pasta with red sauce the night before a long run or a race.  i like homemade sauce much better than jar sauce and since it is super easy i have no excuse not to make it myself: olive oil, garlic, canned italian plum tomatoes, pepper, basil or italian seasoning.  

4. turkey chili -- spicy, delicious, and hearty it is perfect for winter (not that we've had much of a winter).  and since i use a weight watcher recipe it has lots of veggies and isn't loaded with fat or sodium.  

5. wholly guacamole - to say i love avocado is an understatement (until weight watchers taught me portion control, i used to eat an entire one with a spoon in a single setting).  guacamole is a great topper for pretty much anything from sweet potatoes (with salsa and mexican cheese = yum!) to rice and beans to breakfast burritos (refer to eggs above). while the 100 calorie packs may be more expensive, they are totally worth it for me because they provide a single portion, i don't have to worry about my avocados going bad before i can eat them, and they are easy to throw in  my lunch bag.

What I'm running now:

can't remember if i told this story or not so here is a quick recap:  flash back to memorial day... i ran a marathon.  qualified for boston.  then, just a couple weeks later in june i got injured.  spent two months in excruciating pain while the orthopedist went through a series of misdiagnosis.  finally went to an amazing podiatrist who legitimized my pain and i finally found out in august that i had completely ruptured my plantar fascia (words like "bomb exploded in your heel" "never seen anything like this", etc).  spent the next 8 weeks in a boot full time (airport security didn't appreciate it but no surgery and no cast: i am sooo thankful!).  then two weeks or so transitioning back to shoes.  then i was released to do some light jogging for a month (low and slow to test it out as my foot wasn't completely healed yet) before getting released to run again just prior to thanksgiving.  All told, i took five months off.  mid june to mid november.  FIVE MONTHS!! 

My comeback was frightening for a couple reasons.  1. i knew i had lost my cardiovascular fitness but wasn't sure how much i had been set back and wasn't sure i could regain it in time for boston 2. i didn't want to get re-injured by doing too much too soon.

But, as always, God is good.  The road back has been painful at times - literally, i don't think i've ever been so sore after short runs as i was the first few and there were days my legs felt like jello and my lungs were on fire no matter how slow my pace - but I really tried to listen to my body (new concept for me) and not push it too hard.  I started out with short runs and mixed in a lot of cardio cross training (elliptical, stairmaster, spin class) so that I could re-build my fitness and leg strength without killing my foot.  

I'm not quite to where I was pre-injury, but slowly but surely I'm getting there.  My speed is finally picking back up and I'm adding in some longer runs.  

 

This week's workouts: Monday - 4 miles on the treadmill at a constant pace but bumping incline every mile, 30  minutes stairmaster, 30 minutes weights (i would have preferred elliptical but i'm trying to be better about lifting cause i know i need to build my strength); Tuesday - 9 mile tempo; Wednesday - 4 miles outside, weights; Thursday - 10 miles on hilly course; Friday - spin class; Today - 16 miles easy pace.  Tomorrow: REST! 

What I'm reading now:

Allison once jokingly made the comment that on days I'm not a type A personality i'm type double A.  haha.  needless to say, sometimes i struggle with being a little too strict with myself.  Over Christmas I bought the book "Eat the Cookie Buy the Shoes: Giving Yourself Permission to Lighten Up" by Joyce Meyer.  It's an easy read (I read the entire thing on my plane flight back to Boston) and one I highly recommend.  It was really good at talking about it being okay to lighten up a bit (every so often we need to treat ourselves), finding joy in the little things, and not letting others steal our joy.

I also got Beth Moore's "Praying God's Word" devotional journal and love it (thanks nate and ry for the giftcard!!).  It gives a verse, some commentary, a place for you to write your thoughts and then it starts a prayer based on the given scripture with space for you to complete it.  Since it doesn't have structured days I can pick it up and set it down without feeling pressured by time lines and use it as a supplement to my Bible study.  

I just started a Bible study based on "Lies Women Believe" by Nancy Leigh DeMoss with my friend, Amber.  We are doing it through Bible Cafe for Women - an online Bible study forum since we both have work schedules that don't allow us to attend a class on a regular basis.  

I'm only on chapter 2 so I can't give a yay or nay yet but I'll keep you updated (at least I intend to).

I am so thankful that I have great Christian friends like Allison and Amber who provide accountability and support.  We are able to trade Bible verses, talk candidly about life, and pray for one another.  I am truly blessed. 

"As we grow up we realize it is less important to have lots of friends and more important to have real ones."

sometimes you've got it

sometimes you don't...