joy

All I have in You is more than enough.  Simple words.  But do I really accept them as truth?  Is God enough?  I mean deep down in the core of my being do I truly TRULY believe that God is enough for me.  And not even enough.  More than enough.  More than all I could want and all I could need.  If I really truly believed that He was enough, that He is satisfactory, then I would quit trying so hard.  Trying to do it all myself.  Trying to please other people.  If I really believed that He is more than enough for me then He would be the source of my joy.

The Bible says the joy of the Lord is my strength.  Very clearly, if we don’t have joy we don’t have strength.  Where am I getting my joy?  If my joy is circumstantial then it isn’t going to last.  It isn’t until I get my joy from the Lord,  the author and creator that I can experience the wellspring of life.  And yet time and time again I put my joy in the circumstances of life and time and time again I end up disappointed and tired and weary. 

There is a difference between joy and happiness.  We can’t always be happy but we can always choose to be joyful.  It isn’t always easy.  Life has pains and problems.  Sometimes the world seems perfect and right and we’re cruising right along, but then something comes and trips us up.  We lose our focus.  We fall on our faces and scrape our knees.  Our happiness is gone.  But we can still choose to be joyful.  It’s not easy and it takes effort but it is a choice.  And it can only come from the Lord.

All too often we try to get our joy from the world around us.  We think that if we are successful at life (what does that even mean, anyway?  seriously, how do you measure success?  how come we constantly compare ourselves to others and try to measure up to them when their talent isn't the same as our talent and when their purpose isn't the same as our purpose?), that if we have it all together then we will be happy and joyful.

We try and we try and we try.  But that never works.  Why?  Because trying to be perfect is exhausting.  Trying to keep up appearances and make people believe we have it all together is exhausting.  Let's face it;  it is going to happen eventually.  You're going to have a bad hair day or your jeans aren't going to want to button (I'm wearing a ponytail and fat pants today).  You're going to miss a deadline or need to ask for help.  Somebody will get disappointed.  Somebody will get hurt.  By our words, by our actions.  Intentionally or unintentionally.  We are going to mess up.

When it comes down to it, while we may all be a little different, we are really all the same.  Deep down, everybody needs to be needed.  Everybody wants to be wanted.  We want to know we matter and feel like we make a difference.  We want to be appreciated and accepted.  We try so hard to please others and to make them notice us.  We are afraid of disappointing them and we let that fear sap our energy and our joy.  We want to know that people are going to love us even when we fail.  Even when we can’t do it all.  Even when we disappoint them.  It is scary to reveal our true selves.  We're not perfect.  We're sinful (public sin or private sin, it's all sin and it's all black). We're afraid (and by afraid i mean terrified) that if we are honest and open with others and let them see us as we really are (weak, tired, needy, imperfect) than they won't accept us or won't love us.  We've been let down and left behind so many times before that we won't risk the same outcome.  

“It’s a fear that keeps me wide awake

In the middle of the night

When the expectations are too great

And the bar gets raised too high

So I do the best with what I’ve got

And hope that no one knows

That I strain to see how high I can

Try to stand on these toes

Unitl I’m measured

But you know better”

God knows better.  We can't hide from Him.  He knows all of our thoughts, our fears, our failures, our pains, our struggles, our hopes, our dreams.  Even the lost ones and the ones we’ve let go or tried to bury deep down inside and ignore (p.s. they're still there - no matter how much exercise or peanut butter you bury them under, they're still there until you deal with them).

What would happen if we really opened up to one another and were honest with one another?  Yes, we may get hurt (probably more often than not).  But, we may also find a deeper bond, one built on grace and forgiveness.  One that will point us back to Jesus, giving us a renewed sense of joy and a renewed source of strength.

And, how come it is easier for us to accept Christ’s love than our own?  We can say with all honesty “Jesus loves me this I know” and truly mean it.  But we have a lot harder time saying “I love me.”  We know that Christ loves us, that He has forgiven us, and that He accepts us.  We can accept grace from God but not from ourselves.  We don't see ourselves as Christ sees us.  We look at the extra pudge around our waist (and compared to the models on t.v. that we're striving to look like, it's a whole lot of pudge) and the sin in our lives (and compared with the seemingly perfect person in our Bible study it is a whole lot of sin) and we become so disheartened that we can’t accept ourselves.  We haven’t forgiven ourselves or loved ourselves.  We get bogged down by guilt or feelings of unworth (btw, both come from Satan, both are sinful, and both will steal all your joy).  Self-esteem is called SELF- esteem for a reason.  It must come from yourself.  We all have to come to terms with ourselves,  with our flaws and imperfections and be okay with them (fat pants and all).  Give yourself a break, accept yourself for who you are and move on.  Don't be afraid of growing slowly, be afraid of standing still.  

God isn't done with me.  He may demand perfection and I may have failed miserably but that is why He sent Christ to die for me.  My job now is to fight the fight.  To make it my mission to be transformed into the likeness of Christ.  Day by day.  Hour by hour.  Minute by minute. 

God doesn’t make mistakes.  You are not a mistake.  I am not a mistake.  I may be sinful and messed up but not a mistake.  God made me and He loves me and He can (and will) take something broken and ugly and turn it into something beautiful.  There is no do over button.  But, I am redeemed.  And in that fact alone I should find hope and joy and strength.  

THE JOY OF THE LORD IS MY STRENGTH

And what if I took this strength and this joy and used it to work for the Lord?  What if I took whatever I truly love to do (we've all got some sort of passion) and combine it with the talents he gave me (we've all got some sort of talent) and used those things to do something for him?  To step outside of my selfish little world where it all revolves around me and give back.  Offer it up to God and see what he does with it.  The problem with this whole theory is that first I have to be honest with myself, which is almost as hard as being honest with others.  I have to look at my true passions.  Ignore the hurts that come from abandoned hopes and dreams and identify what truly makes me happy and brings me a sense of fulfillment.  Then I have to work at it.  If I decided that it is really something I long to do then I have to be willing to put in the effort to make the sacrifices that will be required to get there instead of making excuses and doing nothing.  

What would you do if you had unlimited resources and knew you could not fail?  

Psalm 86: A prayer of David.

¹ Hear me, LORD, and answer me,
for I am poor and needy.
² Guard my life, for I am faithful to you;
save your servant who trusts in you.
You are my God; ³ have mercy on me, Lord,
for I call to you all day long.
⁴ Bring joy to your servant, Lord,
for I put my trust in you.

⁵ You, Lord, are forgiving and good,
abounding in love to all who call to you.
⁶ Hear my prayer, LORD;
listen to my cry for mercy.
⁷ When I am in distress, I call to you,
because you answer me.

⁸ Among the gods there is none like you, Lord;
no deeds can compare with yours.
⁹ All the nations you have made
will come and worship before you, Lord;
they will bring glory to your name.
¹⁰ For you are great and do marvelous deeds;
you alone are God.

¹¹ Teach me your way, LORD,
that I may rely on your faithfulness;
give me an undivided heart,
that I may fear your name.
¹² I will praise you, Lord my God, with all my heart;
I will glorify your name forever.
¹³ For great is your love toward me;
you have delivered me from the depths,
from the realm of the dead.

¹⁴ Arrogant foes are attacking me, O God;
ruthless people are trying to kill me—
they have no regard for you.
¹⁵ But you, Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God,
slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.
¹⁶ Turn to me and have mercy on me;
show your strength in behalf of your servant;
save me, because I serve you
just as my mother did.
¹⁷ Give me a sign of your goodness,
that my enemies may see it and be put to shame,
for you, LORD, have helped me and comforted me.